I Can't Handle This...

Where do I begin this post? This past week has just been horrible for me, and yesterday my public school decided they wanted to do something about it. Something that I don't need or want.

Every few days I meet with our school's special education coordinator/social worker so she can keep up with how I'm doing. I'm supposed to be honest with her, so I was. I told her about my daily suicidal thoughts, I told her about cutting myself, I told her about the voices I was hearing. She said that it sounded like I couldn't keep myself safe, and she called the crisis line.

A lady from the crisis line came out and evaluated me, and so did my parents. Then the boss lady of the special education coordinator told me the news after I was deemed safe to go home: my schedule is being changed, and I am being put in special education classes.

I do not approve of this but as she put it "The grown ups had to make a grown up decision," and now there's nothing I can do. The thing I'm most angry about is 1: They took me out of Spanish completely, and 2: I'm not in Advanced English anymore. Listen, I am an advanced student and I need my normal classes. I have nothing against special education other than the fact that I don't need it. They say I can't handle my normal classes but what I can't handle is feeling like an idiot because I went from advanced to a smaller level.

I wish I wasn't such a failure. I wish I didn't have this stupid bipolar disorder.

#mentalhealth